There is an outstanding line between the recovery of self-esteem and the artificial manufacture of self-confidence. People who have serious problems accepting themselves, whether due to physical or mental characteristics, should treat them patiently, step by step, and not look for an instant recipe to feel better.
The work needed to regain or increase self-esteem is arduous, time-consuming, and almost always has pronounced ups and downs. It all begins with the search for the origin: when do we feel insecure in this regard for the first time, and why do we think this problem arose in us? When we get to the traumatic event or relationship, we take our first steps toward a potential solution.
Let’s think of a conventional treatment consisting of an extensive series of consultations between a patient and his therapist. The process is unpredictable, for better and for worse, in that along the way, there will be discoveries that are difficult to digest and moments in which progress will be faster than expected. The result will be positive in the best cases, and the doors will be opened to a new and more effective social insertion.
Risks when trying to build self-esteem
What can be the problem with self-help mentioned above? In the first place, if we talk about groups of patients who share a similar ailment, there is the risk that a cycle of mutual victimhood and justification will form, leading to the blocking of the conflict rather than its exposure. It is ubiquitous for members to nurture the idea that “they have the right to feel bad,” that “no one can demand that they get up,” or that “they are not below anyone,” and that “they can get what they want. propose ».
Although it is not harmful to feed self-esteem with phrases charged with energy, false expectations should not be generated in the patient to the point of taking him from his discomfort to an extreme of apparent absolute power, simply because it is not realistic. That is why there is talk of narcissism (“I can achieve what I propose”) that will get in the way of their interpersonal relationships since it will stand on a path of lies.
Inflated self-esteem
Some authors speak of one more type of self-esteem within this classification range. It receives the denomination of ‘inflated self-esteem’ and is one that people have who believe themselves better than the rest, who are incapable of listening to others and much less accepting or acknowledging a mistake (they have no capacity for self-criticism). Their self-esteem is so extraordinarily high and exaggerated that they believe they have the right to look down on those around them. This type of self-esteem generates very negative and hostile behaviors.
+ According to their facets or areas
On the other hand, we can also talk about different types of self-esteem according to the facet of life they have to do with. Thus, we can break down self-esteem into personal, social, and work or academic self-esteem.
In general, if a person has stable self-esteem, their different types of self-esteem in this regard are high. However, it is also true that we can have excellent work self-esteem and terrible social self-esteem, for example. They are pretty independent concepts, although, on some occasions, they can influence each other.
– Personal self-esteem
Personal self-esteem has to do with our well-being; it would be “general” self-esteem related to how we treat ourselves and the love we dedicate to ourselves.
– Social self-esteem
Social self-esteem refers to how secure we feel in our relationships, relating to others, making friends, etc. It is self-esteem that becomes relevant in adolescence, for example, when being part of a group becomes an essential aspect of the person’s identity.
– Work or academic self-esteem
Finally, work or academic self-esteem is related to how safe and proud we feel in the work or academic environment.
It also has to do with recognizing our achievements in this area and the ability we have to recognize them as our own and as the result of our effort and talent. It involves recognizing the strengths in our way of working or studying.
As we have seen, there is no one type of self-esteem but many. In addition, self-esteem is not something 100% stable over time (although there are people who do not present large oscillations in it). This means that we can have a particular type of self-esteem (high and stable) during a specific time, but this can decrease, especially when it is unstable.
On the other hand, as self-esteem is a concept that encompasses many facets of our life, we can have good self-esteem in one area (for example, work) and slightly more fragile self-esteem in another (in personal relationships, for example).
Be that as it may, taking care of (and promoting) our self-esteem involves taking care of how we address ourselves (taking care of our language or internal dialogue), knowing what we like and what not, setting limits, choosing people who give us something as companions for life (flee from toxic people), etc. And above all, ask for professional help if we feel we need it because this is another way to cultivate good self-esteem.
Components of self-esteem
Cognitive Component: What we think about ourselves. It includes the opinion, ideas, and beliefs that one has of the own personality of the behavior and oneself.
Affective Component: Judgment is made about what we feel, personal qualities, the affective response to the perception of oneself.
Behavioral Component: What we do, our decision, and our intention to act.
How to improve self-esteem?
When a person has low self-esteem, he does not love himself, does not accept himself, and does not value his qualities that he will not be able to see many times. You will probably stop going to social gatherings, stop trying new things, and facing challenges for fear of not achieving them, and you probably believe that you will not be able to achieve it and you lack security in your day-to-day life.
Here we give you ten techniques; if you start them, these exercises will help you increase self-esteem. It is always a good time to start applying these exercises! Work on your self-esteem with the following activities!